Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Battle Of The Titanimous Egos: El "Rushbo To Judgment" Rush Limbaugh Vs. George W. Bush, President Of The United States.

(They both tell us to "Trust me," so who should we trust? This match will decide who has the most gravitas)

In this corner, weighing somewhat more than President Bush, Rush Limbaugh.

In the opposite corner, President George W. Bush, Reigning Champion, weighing in at somewhat less than El Rushbo, and incidentally, has less than 15% body fat.

Round One: El Rushbo suffers a blow to his ego, and is sent to the corner where his trainer, Donald Trump, will offer emergency first aid and attempt to reinflate Rush's head.

Round Two: Ann Coulter is sent into the fight to sub for El Rushbo and tries to divert the President's attention wearing her very short skirt-trunks. The crowd goes wild, but she is disqualified for being just too cute and way too leggy.

Round Three: El Rushbo is sent back into the ring and starts issuing talking points:
El Rushbo attempts a left jab by saying that he, "Has nothing against Harriet Miers," but then runs her down for being so unqualified. El Rushbo tries to sneak in a right cross with, "Bush loyalists want to hush our debate."
El Rushbo misses with an uppercut, remarking that he is not "echoing other conservatives who say the very same things he has been saying: 'We don't know Harriet Miers, and we don't know or trust the President.'"
Rush tires out after shouting, " Its not that Harriet Miers has not the ability to counter abortion rulings, its that she may not do it in a strict constructionist enough way." Rush makes himself and the fans dizzy with this statement, and hits the canvas.
Just as Rush is getting the nine-count, Judge Bork suddenly runs out into the ring and props up Rush, to make it appear that he is O.K. Third round bell.

Round Four: Judge Bork charges out into the ring looking sour as heck, and shouts, "And this Harriet Miers is going to Scotus, and I couldn't make it? I was just as qualified as Rush Limbaugh to be seated on the Supreme Court." Bell.

Round Five:With total ignorance of civil fisticuffs and Marquis of Queensberry rules, Laura Ingraham, Bill Kristol, David Frum, Sean Hannity, Charles Krauthammer, George Will, and Bill Bennett, leap into the ring going after President Bush as Bulls after a Matador. Before they even come near the Prez, however, they start fighting amongst themselves. They throw epithet after epithet at each other claiming that each of them, only, has such perfect judgment that only they should decide who is best for the Supreme Court. Bell. End of Round Five.

Round Six: Since all of the elite, know-better conservatives maimed and shamed themselves beyond recognition, another sub is sent in to fight the President, and that is a man who strikes terror into the hearts of anyone who posts a negative blog about him; a man who has written three of the "best books ever written," according to his own account; a man who is a prophet one day, but can turn into a screaming meemee the next; a man so terrible that I can expect to be sued by him even before I am finished writing this blog; a man who has taken humility lessons from Donald Trump - Michael "Doc" Savage.
As the bell rings, Doc Savage comes out flailing the President with killer remarks, such as, "I have a Doctorate, and you don't have one best seller, you schmuck." "I tell stories so beautifully." "I am the greatest." "You can't touch this pretty face."
President Bush after being pounded with such narcissism is dazed and is starting to go to sleep - while standing up!
Ring! Saved by the bell.

Round Seven will be held live at the Senate Judiciary Confirmation Hearings later this month. President Bush seems to be unscathed so far, despite the help from his omniscient conservative "backers" who have been daily chanting that their judgment should be trusted over the President's.