Monday, February 09, 2009

Please, Slap Me, I'm A Democrat

For ye suffer, if a man bring you into bondage, if a man devour you, if a man take of you, if a man exalt himself, if a man smite you on the face.

Will someone, please, slap me? I am a Democrat.

I have been a member of the auto union that coerced my car company to pay me more than they could afford. My company is broke. I'm out of a job. I can't force my way into Wallmart, yet. I'm a Democrat, so please, slap me.

My Civil Service union has supported every Democrat since FDR. My local, state, and federal government has overtaxed my neighbors to support my above average wages and benefits for many years. My state is out of money, I'm out of a job, so please, slap my neighbors until they pay more taxes, and I am a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I am a proud pubic school teecher, and am, of course, a Democrat. I make $100, 000 a year and am totally against disciplining children, but loving them and treating, especially the boys, as my "little husbands." I am very in flavor of training kids to have phaith in a gobernment that will give them everything they need. I do not couerce my class to achief academic prophiciencey or do any of that hard stuff like skience, maff, reeding, or spelding. The students love to scream, yell, curse in class, and they enjoy beating me up during and after school. Don't slap them, they are future Demoncrats. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I voted for Obama, and I believed his promise that he would take care of those Jihadists who bombed the USS Cole. He did take care of them. Too much care. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I supported Obama and believed that his "Hope And Change" could replace the scare tactics of the Bush administration. Barack says that unless we vote for his Pork Package we will die. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I am a lawyer, have renamed all my children, and now call them Barackhassentmethemotherlode. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Barack for the Lilly Ledbetter Act that allows underperfoming women to sue their employers - retroactively. Of course, I am a Democrat, but if you even think about slapping me, I'll slap you with a lawsuit, find a Democrat judge and jury (aren't they all?) , and take all your money before my friend, Uncle Sam, gets it from you.

I am a writer for the APAP, that is, Associated Press for Associated Palestinians. I am a hoping that President Obama will charge the Israelis with "stuctural genocide," or some other language of illusion phrase that I may dream up. I have tried to be fair and unbiased in my press reports, always publishing news that will make the Palestininas look like innocent lambs. When I report from the Gaza strip, I am usually jeered at, threatened with inprisonment , beheading, and rocket and bomb attacks by the local Hamas. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I have been a hardcore feminist ever since I first grew a mustache. I have had ten abortions and am suffering from physiological and psychological damage for the unfortunate choices I have made in my life. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me - and my Democrat girlfriend.

I am a Democrat who has dual residency in the states of Washington and New York. I carry two car licenses which have RFID information embedded in them so that anyone who cares to, can scan them remotely and find out everything there is to know about me. Its better than Facebook. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I am a Democrat who voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger in California. Our ex Democrat governor, Gray Davis plunged CA into 30 billion dollar debt. Arnold's debt has grown to over 40 billion. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me. Slap some Republicans while you're at it.

I am a Greenie who hates coal, oil, and nuclear power. Could someone, please, give me a ride to the Post Office? My bamboo bicycle just caught fire. I'm a Democrat, so, please slap me.

I have been a big city mayor and now I am a governor of a blue state. I am hoping to get one big hambone out of the Federal Government's pork package.
Sooey! For every dollar my state pays to the FedGov, we get back $100.00. Slap me, cuz I' so happy and I am a Democrat!